Hola! We are Herby and Dave from Oakland! Thank you for taking the time to read our story and giving us the opportunity to share with you our dream of becoming first-time parents.  We’re in our mid-30s, and we’ve been together for sixteen years, and married for seven of those. We have some experience with adoption as Dave comes from a blended family, with 2 adopted siblings, and we deeply believe that family is not defined by blood but by love.  We understand that you are facing one of the most important choices of your life and we are honored for the chance to tell you a little about ourselves.

Our Story

We are both natives to California, or as Herby proudly says, ‘born and bred.’ Dave was born in Oakland and raised in Lafayette, before moving south to attend U.C. Santa Cruz. Herby was born in San Jose, and was raised in the South Bay before he also moved to Santa Cruz for community college.

We met during the summer of ‘99. The first time Dave saw Herby was when he was working as a host at Denny’s in Santa Cruz and Dave’s credit card was declined for the dinner he’d shared with some theater friends. Dave was so embarrassed that he ran out without getting Herby’s number. We had several more missed connections that summer before finally meeting face-to-face on the grassy lawn of a dear friend. Even though we were very young, with our entire lives ahead of us, we quickly realized that we were going to be together for all of it.  As we were getting to know each other that summer, we talked about anything and everything, including how we both wanted to start a family someday. Dave comes from a large family, and while only his younger sister is related by blood, he was raised with a girl cousin, an adopted sister and adopted brother as siblings both in his eyes and in his heart.  Herby grew up with 2 younger brothers and had some struggles with his family growing up, but it was through that struggle that he was inspired to one day create a loving family of his own.

We are deeply aligned on most political and spiritual issues but are deeply divided in our taste in music and television; Herby likes pop music and comedies, and Dave prefers ballads and scary movies. We always have plenty to talk about and our home is rarely quiet, thanks in part to our wonderful dog, Luka. We love living and being from the Bay Area, where a beautiful hike or a relaxing day at the beach is only a short drive away. We have built our life together by trying to be better human beings, both to each other and to the world, and while we might not always get it right, we are blessed to be able to do the things we love in a magnificent part of the world.

Herby, by Dave

Herby is loving, witty, creative and deeply empathetic.  He loves to laugh, he loves to challenge, he spends a lot of time worrying and a lot of time thinking about what is right - for us as a couple, for the planet, for his friends, for his co-workers.  He loves people in small doses and he hates driving.  He is rightfully proud of the work he’s put into himself and our life, as he’s been a driving force in our financial stability, where we achieved the dream of owning our own home, and bettering our overall health, focusing on eating better and exercising more.  He’s so charming that I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do anything other than love him immediately (I’m living proof) and his fiery, passionate spirit comes through in equal parts suave and sass.  He enjoys reusing things, like cutting up old t-shirts to use as rags around the house, but he gets a secret thrill when it’s time to spend some money.

Herby loves music and while he’s unlikely to admit it, I’m pretty sure he can be caught singing into the broom like a microphone when nobody’s around.  He volunteers for the Trevor Project, a nonprofit that provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBT youth.  He loves video games and over-the-top television and fills much of his leisure time with one or the other.  He has a beautiful heart and truly cares about making sure we are doing things both big and small to leave the world around us better than how we found it.

Herby is the kind of person you want to be your friend, or your family.  He will protect our child with the ferocity of a bear and provide a living example of what it means to do right in the world.  We’ve been together almost 17 years and every day he teaches me something new.  When we met, Herby was studying to be a preschool teacher.  Even though that wasn’t the career path he chose, he’s been waiting years to put the early childhood education to use with our own child.  Herby will be a stay at home dad and is really excited to watch all of our child’s firsts - first crawl, first steps, first laugh and first words.  Herby is already planning our first family Halloween costumes but hasn’t settled on which Disney movie wins for the first one, and I can’t wait to watch him help our child grow.

Dave, by Herby

There’s a line from a television show that goes, “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kid is going to be right about that,” and that’s a quote I feel everyday. Dave completes me in a way that balances me. I knew from that first summer we met, that this was the man I wanted to raise a child with; and from that moment, I could not let him go. I can’t imagine a more perfect father for a child because I know that he will be kind when they are in pain, he will be encouraging when they need the strength to push a little further, but most importantly, like he has done for me, he will be there when they need him.

Dave is easily the smartest person I know, not only because he is well read and incredibly thoughtful, but he has a passion for solving problems in order to make the world a better place, a quality that helps him love his work. He sees the good in everyone, and believes that people are meant to do good. With a kind word of encouragement or a sincere compliment, Dave naturally brings a light to everyone who meets him, and he is the kind of man who deserves to be a father.

I have heard Dave’s childhood stories of traveling in India and Thailand more times than I can remember, and through those stories I know that his love of adventure is something he is so excited to share with a child. Dave is also the bravest person I know, and I couldn’t imagine trusting anyone else more than I trust him. I can’t wait to see Dave make his own baby food, or to teach our child how to bake and help with homework. While I might be the one excited to dress up as a family for Halloween, I know Dave is excited to finally have someone to share his appreciation of animated movies.

The Story of Our Work

Dave currently works as a product manager at the Gap offices in San Francisco. It is a job he loves because he gets to do something he loves; mediating between a development team and a business team to ensure both parties get their needs met. It also offers him the flexibility to work from home if necessary, and it’s a short commute into and out of the city. Herby is currently working as a salon manager by Lake Merritt in Oakland. It is a job he has grown to love because he has worked with a wonderful team of stylists and gets to meet a variety of people from around the community. It is also a job he will be sad to leave when he has the chance at being a stay-at-home parent; a job he has always dreamed about.

When we are not at work, we are avid readers who have loved reading since childhood, a gift we both received from our parents, which will undoubtedly lead to fights over who gets to read the bedtime story. We love going to see big blockbusters at the movie theater, with popcorn always in hand; a love we will be more than eager to share with our child. Dave is a wonderful chef, having spent time a lot of time in the kitchen as a kid with his mom, but his true love is baking; his nutella-stuffed chocolate chip cookies are absolutely divine. And while Herby has an easier time cleaning the house than trying to cook, Dave will be happy to have a new set of hands to help him in the kitchen. Herby’s love of video games and comics make him feel like a kid at heart, a trait he hopes will help in parenting. And on the weekends, we can also sometimes be seen taking our dog, Luka, up to Point Isabel for a hike. We love to travel and see new places, although we will be the first to admit we love going to the beaches of Mexico.

Our Story About Home

We live in the Wood Park neighborhood of Oakland, in our three bedroom home, with a big yard that our husky/german shepherd mixed dog, Luka, loves to run around in. We also have a small garden where we grow flowers, vegetables, and where we one day hope to teach our child about gardening, the way we learned from Dave’s mother. Our favorite room in the house is what we call the “Library,” because it’s lined with books and a guest bed, but we are very excited to call it the “Nursery” someday. There are two lovely parks within walking distance and a well reviewed Spanish-immersion school. We are both bilingual and look forward to raising a child that is as well. Luka gets a walk around the neighborhood every morning, but we know he won’t mind turning those into an afternoon walk with the family. We’re only a short drive away from Fairyland, one of the first amusement theme parks in the U.S., that served as the inspiration to Walt Disney for Disneyland. Oakland is a wonderfully multi-cultural city, and we look forward to adding our family to its diversity.

Thank you

Thank you for taking the time to read our story and the chapters of our lives.  We hope that what you’ve read may help you learn whether we may be the right couple to be parents for your child.

We would be honored to learn about your story, because we can only imagine what your journey has been like and we have so much respect for your strength and courage.

We promise to raise your child in a home that is full of laughter, learning and love.  

If it’s the right choice for us all, we look forward to you becoming part of the story of our family; a story we would proudly read to your child before bed.